Bromance & Romance

The Urban Dictionary defines the term bromance as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.” Now you know why this term is not widely recognized!  Many men are reluctant to admit that they are involved in a “bromance”, even despite the increased publicizing of the term in recent years due to popular television shows.

Throughout history, close-knit emotional relationships are generally what women have been known for. Women can easily tell girlfriends that they love them, and even show physical affection towards them without fear of disapproval. Men on the other hand, are often restrained by the stereotype of masculinity, and what it means to be a real man. Historical roles and societal pressures frequently force men to hide the fact that they are emotionally attached to their buddies. Due to the impact of homophobia, sadly, many straight men feel as if they must make extra effort to prove to the world that they are,  straight.

 This does not have to be the case! It is very important for us, as “thinking feeling” people of the 21st century, to acknowledge and accept the fact that men have emotional needs too, in many of the same ways that women do. Many men feel stifled, lonely and isolated even if they are in a love relationship with a woman due to the lack of friendships with other men. No matter how good a relationship is, it cannot meet all of the needs of either person. Having a buddy that shares incredible passion for football, soccer, hockey, science fiction etc. is priceless and cannot be replaced by someone who has little or no interest in the activity even if there are many or common interest between the two of you.  

Friendships are needed to help to balance your life and your love relationship.

While it is true that both sexes have physical and psychological differences, at the end of the day, we all share basic human needs. It is an incorrect yet popular notion that men do not need the emotional closeness offered by friendships. This is simply not true. It is of utmost importance for all human beings to have a support system of close friends whom they can rely on for their emotional connections even if they are in a love relationship. Just like eating healthy and working out satisfies your biological needs, having a close friend/friends to connect with satisfies emotional needs, whether you are female or male. While the relationships between men may differ from women since men often prefer not to discuss their inner most feelings with each other, their emotional connections are still extremely meaningful.

If you are a woman, it is important for you to understand your mate’s need for friends in addition to you. Encourage him to spend time with them. He will return re-energized and able to give more to your relationship.  You can also benefit from some alone time and/or time with your friends. If friendships begin to negatively impact your relationship address it and compromise. Balance is the key.

Many women are uneasy about bromances because they are clear that when and where men gather, other women are not too far away.  

At the core of this concern is fear that it may lead to wandering eyes and ultimately to cheating. In a healthy relationship, both of you must be free which includes the option to leave, this also means that each of you stay because you choose to.  If you are able to accept that you are both equally vulnerable, and no one can be forced  to remain emotionally connected in a relationship if they do not want to -NO Matter how much you keep your mate under lock and key, emotional connection can only be given freely and not by decree. Your mate needs to be himself and to feel understood and trusted. Being possessive, suspicious and clinging can cause him to feel resentful and lead to distance in the relationship. 

 If you’re a man and you feel that your partner does not appreciate the close friendships you have with your buddy/buddies, it is important to understand that the core of her concern is fear of losing you. This may have very little to do with you directly. Remember that recently there has been excessive chatter in the media about relationships and cheating, which leads to much anguish and nervousness for many women.  Remind her that you are your own person and what others are doing or might do, does not impact your behavior or your dedication to her and your relationship. Even if you do not feel that it is necessary or that it makes no sense, talk to her anyway about your need for friendships. This discussion will go a long way in soothing her anxiety or distrust. Do not hesitate to be honest since all successful relationships are built upon honesty.

Although the term bromance is fairly new (it was first coined in the 1990s), it is a concept that has always existed. Modern psychological studies have proven the significance of human emotional needs and desires, regardless of gender. Unwritten societal “rules” set in place for the way a man should behave makes it difficult for many men to admit to or show affection for another man. Being involved in a bromance is nothing to be embarrassed about and there is no need to avoid its discussion. If handled with rationality, a bromance can be a healthy rewarding addition to a full life.

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4 Responses to Bromance & Romance

  1. M. Haygood says:

    Good article and friendly reminder that having friends of both sex is beneficial to our grow and development.

  2. B. Wells says:

    American men appear to be born into a tradition of living out lies. They live out lies about how they truly feel in respect to emotions, and suppress the ways in which they show their emotions to others. The flip side to that is we men have made some strides in how we can now express our undying love towards one another, while maintaining our macho card with the fella’s. A pat on the bottom followed by “good job” in sports, or an occasional “I love you man” in a joking tone. All jokes aside, most intelligible people are aware that these expressions and terms of endearment toward one another amongst males lack true expressions of love.

    Men of color, Black men in particular hug’s consist of a masculine homeboy type of hand shake, motioned by a half hug and a “what up” or “what’s up my nigga” in the manliest voices they can conjure up, along with hard slaps on the back and arms. Today this greeting has become popular beyond Black men. This greeting to me never felt endearing but more like a test of how manly I am. A hug is a hug is a hug, and if you’re hugging me, do it like you damn well mean it. I don’t want to be hugged and left feeling as though I’m being judge on how manly and none gay looking the hug is.

    Ladies and gentlemen, he’s going in for the hug with another man, wait a minute, others are looking, so lets keep it strong, hard, manly, and most of all cold, so it wont appear that love is in the air.

    I found the article about “Bromance” an interesting read. However, reading about the article made me feel somewhat clueless. You see, I’ve never heard of the term bromance till now. And now that I have, and that I’ve read the article I think it’s a ridiculous word. Why cant men simply have close platonic relationships no matter their sexual preferences. It’s rather odd to me that the word “romance” appears to be, in part, interjected in this term “bromance”. I find it “queer” (in the true sense of the word) that people have the audacity, the gall, the gumption, the nerve to act as though they don’t understand why men have not embraced this silly term. What the hell is romantic about male to male friendship? And who the hell says it should be or needs to be? OK yea, I agree lets soften things up a bit, but ‘bromance’ sounds gay? And for men that are not very developed and secure about their sexuality (the majority American male population) do not want to be connected to anything that appears to be gay. Society teaches this, and on so many levels perpetuates this ignorant behavior.

    In school and at home I was taught that big boys don’t cry, and to suck it up, or man up and to keep my emotions in check. In other words I was taught to be less expressive in expressing my natural human traits of love. Isn’t love healing? Isn’t love a major component of what being human is? What a mind fuck! They screw us up early. It appears to me that there are some major fools somewhere in charge spoon feeding the world this manure. I mean come on, give me a break. Whatever happened to brotherly love?

    American Men in particular are already so damn up-tight and pathetic as it is in respect to expressing their love towards one another. It seems to me that this term bromance don’t make things any better. I think it needs to be called what it is without interjecting some kind of insinuating underlying meaning that brotherly love is romantic. When I hang out with my male friends no matter their sexual preference, I for one don’t have thoughts of soft music on a moonlit night; with wind blowing threw my hair while holding hands. But if I did, then that would truly be romantic; one-sided of course, unless the feelings are reciprocated. And if so, then it would truly be romantic. As a result, the term “bromance” would then make a world of sense to me. Two men romantically involved sounds like a more suitable definition for the term bromance.

    And let’s be honest, brotherly love can be found between all men. After all, men that are gay, transgender and or bisexual have platonic male friendship too, don’t they? And I do not think they’re thinking of their same sex friendships as romantic. So let’s have an effigy with this silly term “bromance” when attempting to connect it in any shape size or form to “platonic” brotherly love.

    A solution to this particular plagued form of though process in that men are unable to express love towards one another, would be to teach that love is always the answer, tough love too. And that two men and or boys hugging and expressing love towards one another is not an act of homosexuality or an avenue towards it. There are cultures all over there world where it is OK for men to hold hands and express love with no sexual thoughts attached. If anything, a lack of brotherly love may be the chief causation to the plethora of deficiencies, maladies and pathologies found in American men to date.

    We can see from many examples that society has failed in illustrating what being a man is, for it has failed at delineating it in schools, through media and at home. But we can now begin to curtail this by simply promoting love, and to stop perpetuating what the fake man is, and the real man isn’t.

  3. AlacrityAmir says:

    The definition of romance is as follows:
    “A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.”

  4. Janine says:

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    money on-line you should try too, just type
    in google – bluehand roulette system

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