The early months of dating are fun and exciting, but a successful long-term relationship requires ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. To establish a solid foundation, each partner must be emotionally healthy. Before you commit to a new relationship or move forward with an existing one, find out just how healthy (or not) your partner is. …
Most people like change as long as it doesn’t affect them. While change can be exciting and may lead to growth, most of us dread the unknown. Fear of the future is at the core of most resistance to change. We may ask ourselves, “what if things don’t work out, what if I fail, what if things get worse, what if….”? …
For some couples, economic emergencies actually strengthened their bond
illness, accident or even an act of terrorism. But what about a
financial crisis? For some couples, economic emergencies actually
strengthened their relationship. Here are two couple’s success stories,
and how you can face similar situations as a unified force to be
Money problems don’t cause divorce; marital problems do
survey found that 57 percent of divorced couples claimed arguments over
money caused their split, statistics don’t always tell the whole story.
According to Michele Sacks Lowenstein, a San Diego divorce attorney and
certified family law specialist, underlying relationship fissures are
the real reason for so many breakups. …
Mary Pender Greene, NYC psychotherapist and relationship expert advises, “The presence of any one of these signs shouldn’t cause you to run out and call the whole thing off. But if any of these situations sound familiar, ask yourself if you’re really into this guy. Or are you dragging out a bad relationship?”
Good question…read on. Do any of these things exist in your own relationship?
* The relationship feels more like a friendship.
* He says, “I love you” and you can’t imagine saying it back…ever.
* You have nothing to say to each other.
* You cheat on him or he cheats on you.
* There’s a general feeling of disconnect that doesn’t go away.
* The drama is more exciting than the relationship.
* You have so many “talks about us,” there’s no “us” anymore.
* You fight more than you actually have fun.
* You have sex only because you want him to want to have sex with.
* He isn’t supportive of your work or your interests outside the relationship.
* You find yourself constantly looking at other guys, and everyone seems more attractive than your boyfriend.
* The sex is consistently bad or sad.
The Expert Says
Everybody wants to be happy, says Manhattan-based psychotherapist Mary Pender Greene, LCSW-R, CGP but people must learn what happiness really means.
What are some of the major misconceptions people have about happiness?
Many people think making money will make them happy. But getting happy is an inside job. It comes from working on yourself so that you feel good [about undertaking that day-to-day process] rather than acquiring things.
How can people get more realistic about happiness?
Realize that you can feel happier and less happy at certain points. Agonizing about not being happy all the time makes people lose the opportunity to enjoy what they do have.
Can seeking happiness become problematic?
When being happy becomes a destination, it’s problematic. Happiness is a journey—and even when you arrive, you don’t stay there. People should start by doing things that lead them toward the happiness they seek. Then enjoy your travels along the route. Never wait until you reach your destination to be happy.
As people and professionals, we all have obstacles, gaps and blind spots that prevent us from reaching our career goals. Historically, young adults were encouraged to engage a mentor for personal development, educational pursuits, career advancement and networking. In today’s ultra-competitive job market, having a mentor is just not enough. A Virtual Personal Board of Directors (VPBOD) – instant access to a robust consortium of resources – is now a “must have” for navigating all the stages of a successful career. …
African American marriages are on the decline. With marriage being an economic mainstay in other communities, what is the impact of this phenomenon within African American culture. And does this have roots in our legacy-are there socio-economic drivers that make marriages in the African American community especially difficult. Tune into this episode of Brooklyn Savvy, where we explore these questions and more with Gloria Browne Marshall founder of the Law and Policy Group at John Jay College, and Psycho-therapist Mary Pender-Greene. Click here to watch the interview
Brooklyn Savvy airs the 2nd and 4th Thursdays at 7:30 pm on Cablevision 69 Time Warner 56 RCN 84 and Verizon 44
Learning the Art of Fair Fighting is essential to a lasting relationship. Many people view fighting as bad and destructive. It is important to accept that no two people think or feel exactly alike; disagreements are unavoidable and are a natural part of all relationships.
Think of fighting as an effort to negotiate differences in a relationship. The trick is to learn to negotiate in a manner that is mature and respectful. How you fight will enhance or damage your relationship. Disagreements about money, household chores, sex, parenting, jobs, extended family, time and socialization are all universal grievances that lead to fights. …
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