Let’s Talk About: Friendships at Work

In Part 1, I talked about the importance of adult friendships. In Part 2, I want to focus on friendships at work. Research teaches us that making friends at work can be positive for your career and your well-being. Harvard Business Review states that workplace friendships “are not just a luxury but a strategic advantage.” In fact, friendships at work often lead to higher job satisfaction. Building relationships at work can also reduce stress and increase engagement.

Studies reveal that having a good friend at work improves performance and reduces isolation—especially in remote settings. Often, adults find workplace friendships harder to build than other friendships, because hybrid work reduces the number of informal interactions. Also, some employees prefer to separate work from their personal life. 

Some workplace friendships develop naturally. Others form by being intentional about making meaningful connections, such as chatting in between calls or meetings, or by asking questions to find commonality. For many people, trust takes time to build, so the key is consistency. Friendships develop through many small interactions over time—so a simple hello or shared lunch can gradually become a real friendship.

6 Benefits of Friendships at Work

• Higher job satisfaction 
• Lower stress 
• Increased productivity 
• More engagement and camaraderie
• Support during challenges or change
• A stronger sense of belonging 

6 Ways to Make Friends at Work

Begin a Brief Conversation

• Ask about weekend plans, hobbies, or pets. 
• Follow up on a previous conversation. 
• Share something personal about your own plans.

Be Approachable

• Smile and greet colleagues by name. 
• Join coworkers during breaks or meals.
• Surprise your colleague with a snack.

Join in Activities

• Attend team events. 
• Volunteer for committees or groups. 
• Patriciate in office celebrations

Lean Into Remote Opportunities for Connection

• Use Zoom for meetups. 
• Use Slack for friendly interactions. 
• Arrange a Zoom Tea to cheer up a colleague

Be Authentic & Supportive

• Help a coworker when you can. 
• Share resources. 
• Acknowledge a job well done.

Create Chances to Connect

• Invite a colleague to get coffee or lunch. 
• Suggest having a walking meeting.
• Compliment a colleague

Let’s Talk About: Making Friends in Adulthood – Part 1

Adult friendships can be one of the most positive influences on your health and happiness. Research teaches us that maintaining social bonds can just be as important to your health as other lifestyle factors. That’s because friendship is a powerful, enriching force associated with well-being
and resilience.

Making friends during your youth was easy—but as adults, it feels more challenging. You’re busy with work and family, have less free time, and fewer built-in opportunities to socialize. Perhaps familiar old friendships and patterns are no longer meeting your needs. Maybe you’re unsure how to connect
and feel awkward. Established social circles can be difficult to enter. Did you ever feel this way?

Your adult friendships may be disrupted for many reasons—job changes, relocation, lifestyle differences, marriage, divorce, starting a family, experiencing illness, or becoming a caregiver. 

Storyteller Brené Brown has said that “connections grow through authenticity and vulnerability—not perfection.” This means that small, intentional, and consistent efforts to connect can lead to meaningful relationships. Instead of wondering how to get people to like you, shift the focus to being curious about others and getting to know them better. This reduces the pressure, removes judgment, and allows us to simply enjoy ourselves.

6 Benefits of Adult Friendships

1. Reduced Loneliness and Isolation

• Enjoy more connection, optimism, and resilience. Just knowing someone cares about you
  and listens helps to create a sense of belonging. 

2. Better Physical Health

• Enjoy better cardiovascular health, more refreshing sleep, easier recovery from illness, and a longer lifespan than those who are socially isolated. 

3. Emotional Support 

• Enjoy a safe place to share concerns and fears, get encouragement and perspective, celebrate successes and milestones, and get help in navigating changes.

4. Less Stress and Anxiety

• Enjoy improved mood, feelings of belonging and security, more manageable challenges,
  and reduced stress hormones.

5. Personal Growth

• Enjoy honest feedback, help in seeing both strengths and blind spots, introduction to new ideas and encouragement to be our best self.

6. A Sense of Community and Purpose

• Enjoy new experiences beyond work and family, and a supportive social circle based on shared interests, kindness, and trust.

In part 2, we will explore why making friends in adulthood feels harder and how you can learn new ways to make friends.

Let’s Talk About: Self-Kindness

Self-kindness is the practice of treating ourselves with care and patience during times of failure, pain, or disappointment. It’s not about ignoring mistakes or pretending everything is fine. It’s about responding to our own feelings with self-compassion rather than criticism.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff of the Self-Compassion Institute, self-compassion means showing yourself the same compassion you would show toward a friend, and being supportive during the most challenging times.

Self-kindness is composed of 4 parts. These small practices can help us create a more attuned relationship with ourselves, especially during setbacks and uncertainty.

1. Positive Self-Talk

This is your inner voice. Rebalance the critical voice (I failed. I’m such a failure) to a more understanding voice (I tried, but I didn’t do well this time. But I can learn and grow from this experience.)

2. Accepting Imperfection

Things don’t have to perfect. Human beings are imperfect, make mistakes, and have shortcomings.

3. Self-Care

Take care of yourself physically (nourishment, rest) and emotionally (asking for help, setting boundaries).

4. Presence in the Moment

Rather than dwelling on past mistakes, acknowledge the missteps and then move forward.

How to Practice Self-Kindness

1) Intention

Before starting the day, choose to be kind to yourself, to do your best, and to treat yourself with respect.

2) Create a Daily Affirmation

“I deserve kindness, patience, and understanding.”

3) Take a Break

Your wellbeing matters. Stretch, hydrate, or get some fresh air.

4) Celebrate Small Wins

Identify something that went well today. Progress is built upon those small successes.

5) Schedule Something Fun / Restorative

Make time for things you enjoy. Listen to an audio book, walk in nature, try a new recipe, or chat with a friend.

Let’s Talk About: The Power of Kindness

Kindness, defined as acts of compassion and empathy, is one of the most powerful tools in human connection, leadership, and community-building. It reduces stress and creates a sense of harmony in uncertain times. 

Research teaches us that kindness can improve emotional well-being, increase collaboration, and boost productivity at work. Small actions such as being patient and expressing gratitude can not only have a ripple effect, but be far-reaching.

Kindness can be practiced anywhere. It’s demonstrated in how we communicate and respond, and how we treat ourselves and others. It’s about intention—thinking what would make this situation better for the other person. For example, compassion can change a conversation’s tone, help someone feel seen, or restore hope during challenges. Listening attentively, opening a door, or just saying hello can improve someone’s day. Kindness is contagious. People who feel seen are more likely to pass that positive energy on to others. 

In situations where conflict could arise, kindness interrupts the tension and creates space for understanding. It’s not about being passive or avoiding the truth. It’s about being honest in a way that shows awareness and respect for oneself and others. 

Kindness benefits the giver and the receiver. Over time, it can reduce stress, foster stronger relationships, and create a culture where people feel more safe. It’s about consistency—those daily decisions we make that shape how we feel about ourselves and how we treat others. 

The power of kindness is quiet, but it can be transformational.

Practical Ways to Be Kind

• Listening fully
• Having difficult conversations, gently 
• Offering assistance
• Setting boundaries
• Checking in
• Being patient 
• Sharing credit
• Apologizing
• Forgiving 
• Appreciating
• Encouraging
• Acknowledging 
• Including

Let’s Talk About: Community as Medicine

The recent Psychology Today article “Community Is Medicine That Heals,” emphasizes that “human connection, service, and belonging are changing the definition of health.” We learn that people heal not only through medical treatment, but also through relationships, shared meaning, and social support. 

Community as Medicine is an approach that supports individuals coping with physical, emotional, and situational challenges. It is practiced in medicine, mental health, trauma recovery, public health, social work, wellness and healing, community organizing, workplace wellbeing, and more. The term became more familiar during the pandemic, when the world began to realize the importance of connection and community care. 

Research informs us that strong social relationships can lower stress, strengthen resilience, enable better recovery outcomes, increase the lifespan, and encourage healthy behaviors. The World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) note that social connection and community health are, in fact, essential to wellbeing.

4 Key Learnings

1. Human connection reduces our isolation. Loneliness is linked to stress, emotional difficulties,
   and negative health outcomes.
2. Support networks help us cope. Family, friends, neighbors, and groups provide practical
   and emotional help. 
3. Shared experiences promote our healing. People feel heard and understood when connecting
   with others with similar feelings. 
4. Belonging strengthens our resilience. Feeling valued and included can improve confidence, outlook, and wellbeing. 

6 Ways to Foster Connection at Work

1. Build Trust and Psychological Safety:
   Create a space where people can express and share ideas without fear of judgment.
2. Promote Open Communication:
   Encourage honest dialogue through both formal and informal channels.
3. Facilitate Team-Building Activities:
   Organize activities that encourage connection, collaboration, and interaction.
4. Be Welcoming:
   Create an environment where all employees feel a sense of belonging.
5. Recognize and Celebrate Achievements:
   Acknowledge wins, progress, and improvement to boost morale.
6. Promote Employee Wellness:
   Implement initiatives that support overall health, fitness, and wellbeing.

Let’s Talk About: The Benefits of Gratitude & How to Practice It

Practicing gratitude can change how we experience daily life, including our relationships and work. It means looking around and noticing things that are positive, even during difficult times. Research informs us that practicing gratitude is a skill that can improve over time with practice.

Practicing gratitude has many benefits. It can help us cope with what is happening in the world today. It does not mean ignoring problems or uncertainty. It’s about seeing and acknowledging the moments that connect us, ground us, and help us to move forward with hope, balance, and resiliency.

8 Benefits of Gratitude

1) Gratitude Regulates Your Nerves.
We are often in stress mode. Gratitude offers small moments of safety. We can pause, take a deep breath, and stay present instead of reacting quickly and becoming overwhelmed.

2) Gratitude Protects Against Burnout.
Practicing gratitude helps us break the cycle of doing more and then being emotionally depleted. It’s not about ignoring the difficulties, but about reminding ourselves we did something that mattered.

3) Gratitude Reconnects You to Purpose.
In situations that feel unfair, it’s easy to question our efforts. Gratitude helps us remember those who trusted us, small wins that no one else saw, and impacts that may not have been measurable.

4) Gratitude Fortifies Relationships.
Gratitude helps us to connect by creating space to recognize efforts, repair issues, and feel less alone.

5) Gratitude Builds Resilience.
We cannot avoid challenges, but we can be optimistic. Gratitude helps us hold reality and possibility simultaneously. It allows us to stay open and continue to care without shutting down.

6) Gratitude Stops Cynicism
Ongoing exposure to stress can lead to emotionally checking out. Gratitude helps us remain engaged.

7) Gratitude Enables Alignment With Values.
When we’re tired, our capacity to be intentional decreases. Gratitude helps us to relax, be thoughtful, and stay grounded.

8) Gratitude Helps You Return to Yourself.
Practicing gratitude reminds us that we are a whole person, not our job title. It reconnects us to our life outside of work, to nature, and to the aspects of ourselves that deserve care.

5 Ways to Incorporate the Practice of Gratitude Into Your Life

1. Be mindful of the things around you that bring you joy.
2. Express gratitude regularly by saying “thank you,” writing an email, or even sending a handwritten note.
3. Appreciate and connect with others.
4. Pause to acknowledge your own progress instead of focusing on what might be missing.
5. Be present and make things about the here and now, not the past or future.

Let’s Talk About: Code-Switching at Work: Part 2 Who Carries the Cost and What You Can Do About It

In Part 1, I named code-switching as something many of us do to navigate professional spaces. For some, it is situational. For others, it is constant. It becomes a way of managing safety, belonging, and opportunity. I want to stay with that for a moment, because not everyone is carrying the same weight.

For many BIPOC professionals and members of the LGBTQIA+ community, code-switching is not just about adjusting tone or formality. It is about reading a room quickly and deciding what parts of yourself are safe to bring forward. It is about anticipating how you might be perceived before you even speak.

I have heard people describe it as a quiet calculation that never fully turns off.

Who do I need to be in this room?

What is safe to say?

How much of myself can I show today?

Over time, that kind of internal monitoring takes energy. It shows up as fatigue that is hard to explain. It shows up as holding back ideas, even when you are fully capable. It shows up as a sense that you are always “on,” even in spaces that are supposed to feel collaborative. This is where code-switching moves beyond communication. It becomes about identity and psychological safety.

One leader shared with me that she felt the most herself in conversations with peers who shared her background.
There was ease. There was humor. There was rhythm. In leadership meetings, she shifted. Her language became more measured. Her expressions more contained. Both versions were real. But the effort of moving between them, sometimes many times a day, left her depleted.

Another shared that he carefully avoids mentioning his partner at work. Not because it is irrelevant, but because he is unsure how it will land. He is not hiding who he is entirely. He is managing how much he reveals, and when.

These are not small adjustments. They are ongoing decisions about safety and belonging. This raises an important question for organizations. What are you asking people to carry in order to be here?

As leaders, it is easy to focus on helping individuals feel more comfortable. You might encourage authenticity. You might say, “Bring your whole self to work.” Those intentions matter. But they are not enough if the environment still signals that certain ways of being are more accepted than others. If someone is constantly scanning the room before they speak, that is not an individual issue. That is information about the culture.

What Leaders Can Do 

• Be honest about how professionalism is defined in our organizations.
  Many norms you take for granted are rooted in narrow expectations around communication, expression,
  and behavior. When you reward only one way of speaking, leading, or showing up, you are implicitly asking others to adjust.
• Pay closer attention to the language you use in feedback and evaluation.
  Words like “polished,” “executive presence,” or “not quite a fit” can carry different meanings depending on who is listening. It is worth slowing down and asking yourself what you are actually responding to.
• Model a broader range of expression in your own leadership.
  That might look like allowing more space for storytelling, emotion, or different communication styles. It might look like acknowledging when you do not have all the answers. These are small shifts, but they signal something important about what is acceptable.
• Take responsibility for addressing bias when it shows up.
  Not just in formal settings, but in everyday interactions. Who gets interrupted? Whose ideas are adopted?
  Who is seen as credible?

What Colleagues Can Do 

• Notice patterns without placing the burden on individuals to explain themselves. 
• Interrupt moments that feel dismissive or exclusionary. 
• Be thoughtful about what and who you affirm.

Creating a sense of safety is not about changing the entire system at once. It is about how you show up in the interactions you are part of every day.

I want to be clear about something. This is not about telling people to stop code-switching. For many, it has been an important and effective way of navigating systems that were not designed with them in mind. It has helped people build careers, relationships, and influence.

The question is why it is still so necessary—and what it would look like to create environments where people do not have to work so hard to be understood, respected, and safe.

That is where the real work begins.

Let’s Talk About: Code-Switching at Work: Part 1 What It Is and Why It Matters More Than We Think

Code-switching at work is something many of us do, often without even realizing it. It can look like adjusting how we speak in a meeting versus how we speak with friends. It can mean being more formal in emails or choosing our words more carefully in certain spaces. On the surface, it can seem like a normal part of navigating professional environments. And sometimes it is.

But often, it is something much deeper. Code-switching can involve shifting our speech patterns, tone, or dialect. It can involve changing how we present ourselves, how we express emotion, or even what parts of our identity we allow to be visible. We may avoid certain topics, soften parts of our personality, or hold back ways of speaking that feel natural to us.

We do this for many reasons. To be seen as professional. To avoid being misunderstood. To move forward in our careers. To fit in. And for many people, especially those who are BIPOC or part of the LGBTQIA+ community, it is not just a preference. It is a strategy. A strategy that is often learned early and reinforced over time.

When I talk to clients and patients about code-switching, I start from a place of honesty. Many people will say, “I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I felt exhausted.” They describe walking into a room and immediately adjusting. Their voice shifts. Their language becomes more measured. Their posture changes. Even their facial expressions become more controlled.

What is happening in those moments is not just communication. It is assessment. A quiet, internal question: Who do I need to be in this room in order to be safe?

For BIPOC professionals, this might mean adjusting cultural language or expression in spaces where those ways of speaking are not fully understood or valued. It might mean being mindful of how tone or directness could be perceived through the lens of bias. For LGBTQIA+ professionals, it might mean deciding whether it feels safe to reference a partner, share aspects of their personal life, or express themselves in ways that feel authentic outside of work.

These are not small decisions. They happen quickly, often unconsciously, and sometimes many times throughout the day. One client shared that she feels like she has two professional dialects. With colleagues who share her background, there is ease. There is humor and rhythm. In leadership spaces, her language becomes more structured, more contained. Both versions are real. But moving between them takes effort.

Another client described it this way. “When I walk into certain meetings, I feel like I put on an invisible blazer. I even slow down the way I laugh.” That line has stayed with me. Because when you slow down your laugh, you are not just managing professionalism. You are managing belonging. 

This is where code-switching becomes something we need to pay closer attention to. It is not simply about how we communicate. It is about how much of ourselves we feel we can bring into a space without consequence.

And the energy it takes to constantly navigate that decision.

The nervous system is doing ongoing work. Scanning the environment. Anticipating responses. Making micro-adjustments in real time. Over time, that kind of effort adds up.

People describe feeling drained at the end of the day without always having a clear reason why. They may feel less connected to themselves at work. They may hold back ideas or contributions, not because they lack insight, but because they are measuring how those ideas will be received.

For many, code-switching becomes so normalized that it is almost invisible. Until the exhaustion sets in.

Conversations about code-switching are not just about language or behavior. They are about identity, safety, and the environments we are asking people to navigate.

Leaders, in particular, often become highly skilled at reading the room. That skill has helped them succeed in spaces that were not always designed with them in mind. The challenge now is something different. How do we support people in leading effectively without feeling like they have to leave essential parts of themselves behind? 

That is the question I want us to begin with. In part 2, we will explore who carries the cost and what you can do about it.

Let’s Talk About: The Toxic Workplace

A toxic workplace is an environment where negative norms affect the performance, morale, and overall well-being of employees. Research informs us that work culture shapes our experience more than salary does. An analysis by MIT Sloan Management Review revealed that toxic culture is more than 10X more predictive of turnover than pay. Teachings from Harvard Business School explain that trust, leadership behavior, and psychological safety are critical to retention. Often, we don’t leave a job—we leave a toxic environment.

Signs of a Toxic Workplace

• Poor communication: unclear expectations, gossip, lack of clarity and transparency
• No accountability systems: blaming, unclear communication channels
• Micromanagement: fear, negativity, lack of trust, constant oversight
• No respect: favoritism, bullying, belittling, dismissive behavior, lack of inclusivity
• High stress: burnout, no flexibility or work-life balance, unrealistic workloads, high turnover
• Blame culture: mistakes are punished rather than of used for learning
• Low morale: employees are disengaged, unhappy, and exhausted
• No growth opportunities: lack of support, development, or advancement

How It Shows Up

• Increased anxiety, stress, and depression
• Decreased motivation
• Lower productivity and creativity
• Feeling undervalued and powerless
• Frequent fatigue, irritability, and headaches

Causes

• Poor leadership and lack of accountability
• Vague values and inconsistent policies
• Environments with little support
• Tolerance of negative behavior
• Pressure for results at any cost
• Unethical practices
• Unaddressed conflict or bias

Changing a toxic culture happens when behavior shifts from the top. It means identifying the issues squarely
and shaping new norms consistently over time. It’s not about empty slogans that mask unhealthy behavior, overwork, and poor boundaries. Toxic cultures persist because high performers who act badly are often protected. Change means that coaching, reassignment, or termination happens when there is no improvement.

What a Healthy Workplace Looks Like

• Accountability at all levels
• Open communication
• Trust and transparency
• Clear, lived values
• Inclusion and respect
• Support for employee well-being
• Fairness, collaboration, and consistency
• Recognition
• Opportunities for learning, mentorship, and growth
• Psychological safety

What You Can Do As a Leader

• Be honest about what’s broken
• Act with integrity
• Hold everyone accountable
• Admit mistakes openly
• Give credit generously
• Listen without defensiveness
• Set boundaries around workload
• Reset expectations and norms
• Define what good performance looks like and how conflict is handled
• Create psychological safety
• Encourage people to speak up (regular check-ins, anonymous feedback channels)
• Recognize and reward healthy behavior
• Be consistent
• Consider seeing an executive coach

What You Can Do As an Employee

• Document everything
• Set clear boundaries
• Practice self-care
• Talk to trusted individuals for support and perspective
• Explore options for a new job
• Consider seeing a therapist and/or coach

Let’s Talk About: Self-Compassion

Self-compassion—the practice of being kind to yourself (rather than critical) during setbacks—was coined and advanced in the early 2000s by Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher and psychologist. There are three components: self-kindness (treating yourself with care), common humanity (acknowledging that humans are imperfect), and mindfulness (non-judgmental awareness).

Self-compassion shifts how we show up at work and in relationships. It is a key leadership skill that helps foster psychological safety, boosts resilience, decreases anxiety, and drives motivation. When people are depleted, connection often becomes another task to manage or another problem to solve.

In leadership roles, this shows up as the pressure to fix, to make meaning quickly, or to move people through a crisis so that everyone can feel better. Over time, that pressure erodes genuine connection and bypasses the very connection people need most. Self-compassion teaches us to stop demanding meaning on a timeline. Instead of asking, “What is the lesson here?” we can ask, “What is being experienced right now?”

Self-compassion makes space to sit with what is unresolved without urgency. It also allows us to stay connected without fixing. It permits us to say, “I do not have to fix this to be present.” Presence without fixing is regulating. It deepens trust and reduces the emotional labor of constantly performing competence.

Self-compassion in relationships is not about lowering standards or avoiding difficult conversations. It is about showing up with less armor and more humanity. When we allow connection to be imperfect and unfinished, we create space for ourselves and others to breathe. That breathing room is where resilience, trust, and long-term engagement grow.

In team settings, this shows up as listening without immediately offering solutions. We can acknowledge problems without reframing them. We can say, “That is hard,” instead of, “At least…” These small shifts reduce burnout by lowering the pressure to always produce answers. Self-compassion also invites honesty. When people feel safe to show up as they are, without pretending they are fine or fully resourced, connection becomes more authentic. This honesty strengthens teams. It allows people to ask for support before they are in crisis and to offer support without resentment.

Without self-compassion, people either burn out or harden. With it, they remain human. They stay awake and connected. They stay in a relationship with themselves and with their team. A self-compassionate culture does not lower standards. It strengthens connections, deepens relationships, and makes work life more ethical, sustainable, and human.