Self-kindness is the practice of treating ourselves with care and patience during times of failure, pain, or disappointment. It’s not about ignoring mistakes or pretending everything is fine. It’s about responding to our own feelings with self-compassion rather than criticism.
According to Dr. Kristin Neff of the Self-Compassion Institute, self-compassion means showing yourself the same compassion you would show toward a friend, and being supportive during the most challenging times.
Self-kindness is composed of 4 parts. These small practices can help us create a more attuned relationship with ourselves, especially during setbacks and uncertainty.
- Positive Self-Talk
This is your inner voice. Rebalance the critical voice (I failed. I’m such a failure) to a more understanding voice (I tried, but I didn’t do well this time. But I can learn and grow from this experience.)
- Accepting Imperfection
Things don’t have to perfect. Human beings are imperfect, make mistakes, and have shortcomings.
- Self-Care
Take care of yourself physically (nourishment, rest) and emotionally (asking for help, setting boundaries).
- Presence in the Moment
Rather than dwelling on past mistakes, acknowledge the missteps and then move forward.
How to Practice Self-Kindness
1) Intention
Before starting the day, choose to be kind to yourself, to do your best, and to treat yourself with respect.
2) Create a Daily Affirmation
“I deserve kindness, patience, and understanding.”
3) Take a Break
Your wellbeing matters. Stretch, hydrate, or get some fresh air.
4) Celebrate Small Wins
Identify something that went well today. Progress is built upon those small successes.
5) Schedule Something Fun / Restorative
Make time for things you enjoy. Listen to an audio book, walk in nature, try a new recipe, or chat with a friend.