Break Up, Make Up or Wake Up?

Studio Audience:
Make up 1%
Wake up 21%
Break up 78%

Challenger #4 is Ronn Elmore, Psy.D.
(dating-help-for-women.com). He’s a best-selling author and therapist based in Elk Grove, Calif. Listen up, Dr. Ronn …

{Mystery Guest #4} We dated on and off for nine years. Now we’re engaged on and off. I was 19 when my boyfriend and I started dating. Now I’m 28, and he’s 34. He says he still loves me, but at times like this, I don’t see it. We never stop arguing over trivial things.
We’re not on the same level educationally, but he has done things for me no other man would. I heard a voicemail message of him flirting with a girl, and we had a huge argument. Now he’s talking about calling off the wedding, and I feel betrayed. How can I move my relationship out of this slump?

Dr. Elmore, can you help?
Honestly, you don’t sound confused. You sound scared. You’ve had the same two choices all along: stay and try (again!) to make it work, or end this chronically unhappy relationship for good. If you stay, at least leave the passive “complain and continue” pattern you’re stuck in. Instead, insist that you and he undergo couples’ counseling, or it’s
over. But frankly, I sense that your true desire is to end this deeply flawed relationship—now.

Fear of the unknown keeps you obsessing over whether you’d be making a regrettable mistake; however, the longer this drags out, the uglier your parting is likely to be …[Buzzer]
Time’s up! You hedged a little with the multiple choice, but that sounded like BREAK UP! What say you, audience?

Studio Audience:
Make up 3%
Wake up 65%
Break up 32%

Challenger #5 is Chad Dion Lassiter, M.S.W.
(chaddionlassiter.com). He joins us from the city of Brotherly Love.
What’s your story, Mystery Guest?
{Mystery Guest #5} My girl’s relationship with her son’s father is rocky. But they still call each other Momma and Poppa, like old times. Why should my lady keep calling him by a pet name now that they are no longer together? Should I approach her about this?

Chad Dion Lassiter, what’s your take?
It’s a challenge for many men to find their voice and address something like this because of the hypermasculinity and hypervulnerability so many of us have internalized. You’ll need to move beyond the societal and self-imposed barrier we know so well: the “cool pose,” to feel comfortable discussing this with your girlfriend. Let her know that the
behavior bothers you and why. Ask her why she does it; you may find it’s simply out of habit or with no intent toward intimacy with him. As you stated, their relationship is rocky. Request that she call him by his given name. It’s time to be direct. Ask for what you want. [Buzzer]
That’s definitely a WAKE UP call! Survey says …

Studio Audience:
Make up 10%
Wake up 69%
Break up 21%
Challenger #6 is Mary Pender Greene, LCSW-R, CGP, ACSW (marypendergreene.com), a therapist from The Big Apple.

{Mystery Guest #6} My boyfriend and I were best friends for four years and started dating last year. I live in Houston, he lives in Kansas City, Kan. We see each other monthly. We’ve talked about moving in together. He has a young son, so I’d have to relocate. I’m second-guessing the whole thing, and it’s causing friction between us.
Do you think it’s a good idea?
Mary Pender Greene?
In a long-distance relationship, you are getting the best of the person when you are together. Excitement is always heightened when time is limited. Moving in together would enable you to get to know each other on a day-to-day basis. You’d get a clearer, more realistic sense of his world: who he is as a person, what he offers as a mate and how he
handles his responsibilities as a parent. There may be ups and downs, challenges and adjustments to make, but you won’t be able to make an informed decision un-less you try it. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. You must experience the situation fully to decide if you are happy … [Buzzer]
Ah, here’s a loving couple that needs to work it out and … MAKE UP! The rest of you say …
Studio Audience:
Make up 11%
Wake up 64%
Break up 25%
Well, our guests came to the right place for smart advice! Which challenger’s answer got the most votes from our studio audience, Don?
Dr. Linda Young, with 78% agreeing that Mystery Guest #3 should break up with that cheating man.
That makes dr. Linda today’s champion!